We’re your classic example of polar opposites – at least when it comes to money.
When we first met we were on opposite sides of the spectrum when it came to just about everything personal finance related.
I had a scarcity mindset when it came to money, I was scared to spend basically any amount and just had it in my mind that I needed to save, save, save and pay off my outstanding debts etc.
Not necessarily a bad thing, but also not what your life should be about.
Mrs. FIC was on the opposite end, she had a “you only live once” mindset when it came to money. She wasn’t broke by any means, she did have a little bit of savings and only had one debt in the form of a student loan so by the normal standards she was doing quite well.
The only issue was that in her mind if there was extra money in the savings account that should be earmarked for the next vacation or shopping splurge since who needed to have tens of thousands of dollars in the bank anyways?
So a saver vs. a spender… who wins?
I quickly found out that as the man in the relationship we lose most debates almost before they begin… at least if you want a happy relationship, but the one discussion where I was really insistent on digging my heels in and making a stand was when it came to our household finances and a plan to reach financial independence at an age much younger than retirement.
If you’ve ever tried to make a spender become a saver you’ll know that it’s a very delicate process. Not one where a battering ram can be used to mash all of your thoughts into their head and make them “see the light”.
So how was I able to get Mrs. FIC on board in a relatively short period of time?
Well looking back on it there were a few key steps and I’d like to share those today.
1. Know your partner
This is perhaps the most important step. You really have to know your partner, how to speak to them and what makes them tick. Do they need a vision of what the money is for? Do they need frequent little victories to celebrate? Will they entertain budgeting?
For me, I knew that using a strict budget wouldn’t work for either of us – but especially not for her. We might look at it for a day or two but it would get boring and eventually fall out of favour.
Through casual conversation we got to know each others behaviours and feelings towards money and which tools may work best for us.
What we agreed on was that Mrs. FIC didn’t want to be super hands on. She was willing to contribute money as it would help us reach our goals but I’d have to help her start the accounts and set up the funding of it for her. To which I had no issues.
This worked for us, but one size may not fit all.
2. Automate the process
We agreed on a set dollar value per pay check that would be contributed.
While it wasn’t an automatic withdrawal she would let me transfer the money into her brokerage account for her each pay day and direct it where to go.
While I was a dividend investor when we met, I figured that index funds would be easier for her to understand right off the hop so we kept it very straightforward and diversified her money across a few lost cost ETFs.
3. Sit and wait
Once we were both contributing to our retirement accounts the heavy lifting was done. From this point forward it didn’t really matter what happened so long as we could both agree that this is what we needed to be doing.
We never really touched the subject again for several months if not a year when something groundbreaking happened….
4. Recap your progress
Again this step probably came close to a year from the initial investment.
One afternoon Mrs. FIC logged into her brokerage account and said something along the lines of “$10,000 is that how much I have?”
I confirmed that she wasn’t seeing things and a smile came across her face.
She’d never really had that much money just sitting away in an account, maybe a time or two but this money had just been slowly growing behind the scenes and she had almost forgotten about it over the months.
The funny part was she didn’t care what her rate of return was, nor did she ask. The automated investing had basically acted as a forced savings plan and allowing it enough time to grow resulted in her being pleasantly surprised with the progress even though if I remember correctly she’d only “earned” maybe $500 that year.
5. Transition the ownership
This has to happen organically, and maybe some people never will get to this point. Again if you and your partner are on the same page enough to both be investing in your retirement accounts consider that a win enough, don’t force it.
In our case, Mrs. FIC became more and more interested as she saw her accounts slowly building and began to ask more questions about my accounts, too.
Over time she started looking at my transactions and the frequent little pay checks I received in “dividends” and decided she’d also like to receive those.
After some time we slowly sold out of her ETFs that we had started her with and transitioned her into stocks that paid dividends, some I helped her pick and some that she liked on her own.
Remember balance
While I’ve just highlighted the 5 steps that I used to help get Mrs. FIC on board with saving money and investing there was another transition taking place simultaneously.
This transition was the one I was making from a frugal living saver to a conscious spender who prioritized experiences more than ever before.
I suspect that this change started around the time that we we were coming up with her savings plan, the thought of “invest x amount and live off what’s left” passed over to me as well. I had my set pension plan and savings plan through work and then gave myself a number that I wanted to hit with my own personal savings, after that the rest of the money was fair game.
Once I gave myself permission to spend the extra money that I had on experiences like travel or going out for a round of golf with friends my relationship with money became a lot more healthy.
The irony in it is that I’ve always considered myself to be financially literate and to generally be on the ball when it comes to most things personal finance and yet I never realized how unhealthy my mindset actually was towards money.
During my time attempting to teach a spender to save, the saver became a student and ultimately learned how to spend at the same time.
Key take away from the experience looking back on it is to remember to balance your financial life and plan for the now as well as the later. That’s what’s gotten us to our happiest point in both our relationship and our financial independence journey.
That’s all we have for today, if you’d like to leave a comment or question please do so below or over on Instagram @FindependenceCanada and we’ll be sure to get back to you.
Thanks for stopping by,
FIC.
Disclaimer: As always this is not financial advice merely sharing our experiences here on our blog. Before you do any form of investing make sure to check in with a professional for advice and assistance.